Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everyone says I win the strip club
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
