Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
