she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
