If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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