Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
