fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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