dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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