he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
