Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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