FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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