I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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