you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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