I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
