woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
