I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
id be glad to
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
