So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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