She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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