I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
