hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
