Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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