i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
