Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
