he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As shirtless as possible
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
