Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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