Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
