apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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