I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
