I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
