I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
