so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
