she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize