What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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