we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
