Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
