You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
