3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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