Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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