Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.