I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
