my vag is so smooth its legendary
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
