Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick