I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.