You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Panties = found
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