My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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