Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
