I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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