I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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