Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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