Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
