her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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