woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
