She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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