Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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