i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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