We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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