Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
