Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
