Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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