I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God, I missed his penis.
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