That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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