You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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