He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
