i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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