Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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