i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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