Your dad touched me again.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
