She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
