dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
