On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
