you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
