69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
