6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
