I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
