They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
