I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
