someone threw a dead crab at me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
