The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
