Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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