we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
