it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
