So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
