i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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