dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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