i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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