it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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