3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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