Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
