when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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