Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
