You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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