I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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