haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
