All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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