HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
